What If IPL match reports were written by corporate brochure copy-writers ?

by Anand Ramachandran, who has written copy for more corporate brochures than he would like to admit.

With M.S.Dhoni becoming a VP of India Cements, Australian cricketers being suspended for not making Power-Point slides and sixers being referred to as Yes!Bank maximums - what next in the corporate-bladization of cricket? Why, match reports of course! Why depend on silly journalists and reporters to crank out daily match reports when we can just hire some lame copywriters to write up reports using the same awesome techniques they use to sell companies and brands? That way, reading about cricket matches can be as exciting and thrilling as reading corporate brochures and watching corporate videos! Not convinced? Here's a sampler of Saturdays CSK-KKR match written in corporate-bladese.

CSK vs KKR -  A step towards a winning future.

CSK is the market leader in IPL cricket matches - with an unmatched record backed by strong consistent performance and a clear vision for our future roadmap.

A powerful combination of best-in-class fielding, efficient middle-overs management and top of the line finishing is what we at CSK depended on for success in the match against KKR on Saturday evening.

CSK - Delivering stakeholder value

Always at the forefront of innovation. First we inovated by opening the bowling with Ashwin. Next, we innovated by opening the batting with him. In the coming months, we will roll-out plans to open the fielding with him.

Our world class pace and spin bowling practices helped usher in a low total to chase, ensuring that KKR was restricted to a low total that is typical of our competitors in the IPL. It is performances like these that give our stakeholders the confidence that CSK will deliver the value they expect from the market leader in the world's premier T20 tournament.

The CSK advantage

Ravindra Jadeja reflected the CSK commitment to excellence by delivering several  best-in-class sixes in the end overs to ensure successful project completion within the stipulated time frame of twenty overs.

We drove forward our chase through a blend of innovation (Ashwin as opener) and proven best practices (Hussey as opener). When faced with challenges in the middle overs, our personnel responded by leveraging their core competencies and and hitting industry standard sixes in the end overs to see the project through successfully to the very end.

CSK - Driving onward with vision

India Cements VP Mr.M.S.Dhoni and India Cements MD Mr. N.Srinivasan - guiding CSK towards a better tomorrow.

Under the able leadership of India Cements Vice-President Mr.M.S.Dhoni (also the captain of the Indian cricket team), powered by our commitment to quality cricket, passion for winning and meticulous attention to detail, we confidently stride towards a better tomorrow for CSK, our players, our management, and most importantly, to you, our fans.

Watching the IPL is like watching porn.

I have a circle of friends who are die-hard test cricket lovers, and in today's times, this automatically means that you are required to loathe everything about the IPL, even if you don't.

Because of this, our experience of watching the IPL is eerily similar to that of watching that other great modern synthesis of physical athleticism, sex-appeal and entertainment - porn. 

Why? All of us actually watch it, but alone and in private - we would never admit to it in public. It is hard to imagine watching it with a group of friends, over a few beers, frantically pointing at the screen and yelling "Come on! Come on!". Everybody loudly denounces it as a bane of modern society, a money-making exercise created by greedy charlatans to exploit the immature and stupid masses. It is available in HD channels and as live video streams on the Internet. It features actors and models who never quite made it big in mainstream cinema. The similarity is undeniable.

In fact, the only two people in my extended social circle who seem willing to watch IPL games with me are my neighbour Sankalesh Jimmy, and my maternal uncle, who will will simply refer to as Ambi Mama. 

Watching the games with Ambi Mama can be fun, or not fun, depending on which side you take in the  raging international debate over whether T.E.Srinivasan was a better opening bat than S.M.Gavaskar. In fact, Ambi Mama sincerely believes that the entire creation of the IPL is the outcome of a heated argument between Gavaskar and S.Venkataraghavan on the Madras Cricket Club lawns in 1981. My uncle is one of the thousands of residents of Mylapore and Triplicane who routinely blame Gavaskar for absolutely everything - from the decline of the Ranji Trophy to substandard pitches to the excessive tightness of Madan Lal's T-shirts. Just about everything is Sunny's fault. When young Unmukt Chand was bowled by Brett Lee off the first ball of this year's tournament, Ambi Mama slapped his own forehead rapidly thrice before bellowing "Ayyo! Ayyo! Ayyo! Pochu Po! Yellam indha Gavaskar thappa solli kuduthuruppaan! Badavaaskar!" (Translation : Shite! Shite! Shite! That's down the toilet! That rascal Gavaskar must have taught him the wrong techniques! Note - there is no reasonable translation for 'Badavaaskar'.) 

He also believes that the third umpire should permanently be replaced by the late Swaroop Kishen, and insists on referring to Kieron Pollard as "Thyagu". He drives me nuts.

Unable to bear Ambi Mama's tam-brahm intensity, I decided that perhaps Sankalesh would be the better companion for a subsequent game. 

Sankalesh is one of those guys who totally delights in the IPL . He loves every minute of it - primarily because he can then come up with some bizarre theory to explain even the most prosaic of events. The other day he claimed that Sachin Tendulkar had deliberately scored a duck in the game against CSK.

"Did you know that Mumbai Indians never lose when Sachin gets out for a duck? Which is why he selflessly sacrificed his wicket for a duck against Chennai and won the match for his team. Who says he isn't a matchwinner?", he said.  "Other players can win matches by scoring hundreds or fifties, but only Sachin can consistently win matches by scoring ducks. What a great team man!"

Of course, I had to ask why, if this stratagem was clearly so effective, Tendulkar did not simply resort to it all the time. It did not faze him. "You think it is easy for Sachin to get out for a duck? It is in fact easier for him to score a fifty than get out for a duck. Look at the stats - he has scored 15 fifties in T20 but only five or six ducks. But each one of them has been a matchwinning one."

As you can see, it's been a stressful week of cricket watching. But it was not without its moments of delight. Chief among these was watching Jaspreet Bumrah, whose bowling action is surely one of modern cricket's great sights. He looks like one of the Autobots would if he, in the middle of transforming into a sports car , suddenly changed his mind and bowled some medium-pace instead. Three wickets despite that action! Or perhaps because of it. This is why I love the IPL - the larger viewing public may have never seen this kid otherwise.

P.S. - The keen observers among you may have noticed the departure from the Fake News format. I'm tired of that - so I may do it once in a while, but no reason not to do more generic stuff. I think.

Trappist Monks Claim Manmohan Singh's Long Silences Offend Their Religious Sentiments, Want Government of India Banned.

The monks of the Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance, commonly known as the Trappists, have demanded an apology from the Government of India - claiming that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's long periods of absolute silence offends their religious sentiments.

"The sentiments of the Trappist order have been hurt by the silence of Indian Prime Minister Dr.Manmohan Singh, which is an obvious attempt to mock our belief of devout non-speech." said a spokesmonk for the Order, before being immediately excommunicated for breaking his silence.

Another monk then took over the duties of briefing the media, resorting to dumb-charades to convey his message.

"Four words. First word. Now? No? Okay . . here? This? THIS! Got it. Third word. Rhymes with ? Ball? Another word? Another word for Rhymes? Oh sorry - another word for ball. Round? Sphere?" he said angrily to the reporters gathered.

Quickly getting frustrated with his chosen method of communication, he then handed out printed press releases to the audience, shaking his head to show his displeasure.

According to the words of the release, "The sentiments of the Trappist order have been hurt by the silence of Indian Prime Minister Dr.Manmohan Singh, which is an obvious attempt to mock our belief of devout non-speech. His non-words have upset the many thousands of Trappists worldwide.We demand that the Supreme Court of India ban the Government of India at once, until Dr.Singh apologizes to us, and promises that he will not mock us by being needlessly silent ever again. If the court does not do anything about this, we cannot guarantee that there will be law and order in Indian cities."  The trappists also claimed that they had proof of Dr.Singh's offensive and damaging non-statements, and provided a CD featuring 60 minutes of complete silence recorded in the Prime Minister's voice as evidence to back their claims.

Prime Minister Dr.Manmohan Singh, pleased that his team mates have guessed the first word, signals "second word" in a session of dumb-charades with finance minister P.Chidambaram and senior Congress leader Ghulam Nabi Azad (not in picture).

The Congress party has, of course, been quick to rubbish these allegations.

"It is ludicrous to say that the Prime Minister's silence has hurt anyone's religious sentiments. How can anyone be hurt by someone NOT saying something ?" said Communications and IT minister Kabil Sibal, beginning fairly strongly and logically by his standards. "And so what if they cannot guarantee law and order? Neither can the Indian Government. At least on that, we're on the same page.", he quipped.

 " We need to protect freedom of non-expression. The Prime Minister, just like every Indian citizen, is guaranteed the right to free silence by our constitution. It is our duty to protect these rights." added Mr.Sibal, slowly starting to chip away at a block of irony he had been hiding under his armpit.

"Also, the CD is clearly doctored. The silence on the CD sounds nothing like the PM's silence. It has been morphed." he said, slowly but surely returning to form.

"Also, everybody knows that Dr.Singh has been making a constant effort to be more like Beyonce. So these days he lip-syncs all his silence. I don't see why the Trappists are getting so offended." he concluded, cranking it all the way up to eleven in his inimitable style.

Mr.Sibal has also ordered the immediate arrest of three people for not forwarding any cartoons about Dr.Singh on social media, claiming that the non-forwarding of cartoons insults the Prime Minister's habitual silence. He has also warned that people who don't tweet or don't post FB status updates would be at risk of getting arrested for defaming Dr.Singh. "We are using infra-red USB Bluetooth to monitor every tweet that isn't tweeted and every FB status that isn't posted. If the CBI finds anything defamatory, offensive or downright mean about the Prime Minister's silence, we will take action.", he said, reminding people, for the first time in his life, of Sunny Leone.

However, many people in India have actually sympathized with the Trappist Order on the issue. "If they want Manmohan Singh to speak up, and the Government of India banned, then I'm all for it." said a world famous Wildlife Photographer, on condition of anonymity. "If the Government itself is banned, then people will have the freedom to watch films like Vishwaroopam and freely distribute the cartoons of Aseem Trivedi. What a great . . . oh, wait . . . " he trailed off.

Needless to say, both the Trappist monks and Dr.Manmohan Singh are choosing to stay silent on the matter - ensuring that this controversy will never end.

Apple introduces iNept - for people who are too cool to bother with making choices.

by Anand Ramachandran, with input from Bikang.

Electronics giant Apple Inc. has announced the latest entry in their line of consumer electronics products - a handheld device simply known as iNept.

In a press conference atop Mount Everest (a location chosen because it symbolizes Apple's position at the peak of the world, but mainly because its pristine white slopes go well with Apple's branding), CEO Tim Cock made the announcement, saying "We are delighted to launch the iNept - a device aimed to delight our core customer base. iNept is for people who hate complex, confusing and cumbersome operations such as drag and drop, right-clicking, rearranging icons and making annoying choices of any sort."

Click image for larger version.

Coot then went on to explain the iNept's killer feature, saying "The iNept makes it even easier to consume music, video and games - you simply switch it on and it will decide on its own what song, video or game to launch for your enjoyment. It's so simple, you don't even have to choose what you want to do - the device makes the choice on your behalf. All you need to do is sit back and consume whatever entertainment the iNept thinks is best for you. Awesome, right?"

The iNept takes Apple's famed simplicity of design even further than the iPad - the device has no icons, no buttons, no sliders. It just switches on when the user picks it up, and no other interaction is necessary.

When asked if people may find the new device too limiting, Book was dismissive "Our core customers have always been happy to let Apple make choices on what they should and shouldn't do. This is a logical extension of the core principles behind our staggering success - minimalism, streamlining, and understanding that our users are too cool and hip to bother with old-fashioned ideas like figuring stuff out."

The iNept follows on the smashing success of an earlier product, the iThing, which was a classic example of minimalistic design - it eliminated problems by simply eliminating all functionality associated with said problems. "But . . . but . . . that's like cutting off your arm because your palm itches." complained one reporter, before he was escorted off the premises for being an 'Android lover'.

Apple fans have responded with the now predictable near-religious ecstasy - flooding web sites with pre-orders, pointing and laughing at Samsung users and surreptitiously looking up Dictionary.com for the meaning of 'retinal'.

"It's amazing. First, the iNept started playing 'Four weddings and a funeral' . About half an hour into the movie, it switched to playing a music video with Akon signing Celine Dion covers, and then abruptly launched Temple Run! No other device can offer a comparable user experience." gushed an evidently thrilled girl with purple hair. "I didn't really understand the movie, I don't like Akon much, and I don't like playing games - but I had so much fun sitting back and not making choices that I didn't care."

Apple has also kick started a huge community initiative by launching a user group called 'global iNept community'. Customers who sign up for an exorbitant fee get a T-shirt that reads 'Forever iNept', and access to expert advice on the best and most efficient ways to not click icons. Members also get access to the new iNvoluntary scheme - where they don't even have to make actual purchase decisions on future iNept accessories. Their bank accounts will be automatically debited when the product is launched, and packages will be delivered to their door whether they like it or not. The idea has generated tremendous excitement in the iNept community, and fans are raving about Apple's continuing dedication to 'ease of use' and 'simplicity'. "Apple has always shown great foresight in getting rid of ideas that are soon going to be obsolete - Floppy Drives, Optical Drives, USB, File Systems, and Free Will. Whiners who are complaining now just don't get it - it's just jealousy" said an industry analyst known only as 'Prashant Pawan'.

The idea, as with anyhing Apple does, has found its fair share of vocal critics. "The iNept is just another attempt by Apple to make money from Mactards. They just cut out features and call it 'ease of use' to fool their customers" grumbled an industry analyst known only as 'Sathya', before returning to his attempts to install Linux on his Android phone for no earthly reason. "Hahaha the iNept is a total fail. It doesn't even run Crysis 2 - only losers will buy it." said a gamer in a 'retro cool' pac-man T-shirt, managing to be completely wrong and partly right in the same statement. "It's rubbish. The first iPad is still the best device on the market" said renowned Yoga specialist Mansi Gandhi, before admitting that she also agreed that books are better than movies, and black and white is better than color.

"The iNept is by no means the first device not to offer customers their choice of entertainment. We've been doing the same thing for years" said Shri. Tripurari Sharan, Director General of Doordarshan. "All Apple has done is reinvent radio and television - which have always catered to customers too dumb to do anything other than press a single button over and over again. As usual, Americans have copied something that has been in India for many years - just like how James Cameron copied Avatar from Mahabharata, and how Siegel and Schuster got the idea for Superman from Hanuman.", he pointed out.

However, the criticism is not stopping Apple from going ahead with more ambitious plans for a line of products that promises to make life even easier for people all over the world. It has announced plans for a range of devices - such as the iNevitable (a digital organizer that creates a daily schedule and to-do list for you to just follow), the iNsufferable (a virtual companion that follows you around and tells you how awesome Apple is every few minutes) and the iNtruder (a robot with advanced AI that will enter your life and live it for you, so that you don't have to take the effort). Much 'ease of use' to look forward to.

Kamal Haasan jokes failing to gain popularity on Twitter, Facebook.

 

While Rajinikanth jokes have become pretty much ubiquitous, showing up practically everywhere - SMS, Twitter, Facebook, newspapers,  Kapil Sibal's armpit - research has found that jokes featuring arch-rival Kamal Haasan are yet to gain the same level of popularity.

 

Our reporter scoured the Internet for some examples of Kamal Haasan jokes, and unearthed some :

Fifteen guys and three women walk into a bar. All of them are Kamal Haasan in make-up.

Why is Kamal Haasan's butt so round and smooth? Because he's always rolling his Rs.

What is Kamal Haasan's father's name ? Did you say Kamalaha ? WRONG! It's Grandfather!! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!

However, these jokes seem to be lagging behind Rajinikanth jokes in term of RTs and Facebook likes.

"Rajinikanth jokes are popular everywhere - even North Indians from Bollywood to Bengal enjoy them. Comparatively, Kamal Haasan jokes do not have a pan-Indian appeal. They seem to be popular only among assistant directors, middle-class TOI readers who still live in the eighties, and a man known only as RS Prasanna." said Cho.Ramaswamy, who is asked for his opinion on absolutely everything.

"It could be because, like his movies, Rajinikanth jokes are fun and easy to understand. Probably the public finds Kamal Haasan jokes too arty and self-indulgent." said Cho. "One has to admit these days that Facebook likes are more important than just quality. I am told even the Rafale deal went through because the Rafale aircraft had more FB likes than the Typhoon. You can check with Kapil Sibal." he added, before inexplicably saying "Armpit."

Kamal Haasan himself has been pretty gracious about the whole situation. "Zhajinikanth, my gzheat fzhiend, is like the Zhambo of Indian Cinema. He is zheaping the zhewards of his hazhd wozhk. I congzhatulate him wholeheazhtedy.", he said. Kamal also said that he is confident that Kamal Haasan jokes will also eventually gain popularity.

"Zhemember, failuzhe is the stepping stone to success." he said, cursing inwardly that there were no Rs to roll in the second part of his sentence.

However, Kamal denied that he had hired a team of writers to come up with Kamal Haasan jokes in a calculated move to close the gap with Rajini - something he has been trying to do since the breakthrough success of Sivaji : The Boss. "That's nonsense. Everyone knows that only Rajinikanth can come up with decently funny Kamal Haasan jokes." he winked.

 

Superstar Rajinikanth tries to come up with a Kamal Haasan joke, while Kamal Haasan (Grand) looks on patiently.

 

 

Before leaving, he stopped to ask a question "Oh, by the way - What is this whole 'Grand' business? Anybody know where it started ?"  - and ended up sparking off another round of random speculation.

The popularity of Rajinikanth jokes has led to a sudden spurt in other Tamil actor based jokes on the Internet, as fans try to get their heroes their fair share of the limelight. Among these are :

Thala Ajith jokes, which are jokes that open remarkably well but then fizzle out - "Ajith walks into a bar holding an iPhone and a squirrel's tail. Then he falls down."

Vijay Saar jokes, which consist purely of punch lines - "Because two Vijays are better than one! A centipede with a shotgun! That's what SHE said!"

Vadivel jokes, which aren't funny but which the teller attempts to make hilarious simply by shouting- "A man falls into a bucket of shit. FUS-DO-RAH!"

And it's not just current stars - heroes of yesteryear are also getting jokes of their own. There are SS Rajendran jokes (which are jokes told with a silly grin and a pencil moustache), AVM Rajan jokes (jokes which nobody remembers or cares about) and Major Sunderrajan jokes (which are jokes told in Tamil, followed immediately by a verbatim translation in English). Good times for all.

Meanwhile, India's minister for Communications and Information Technology Kapil Sibal has said that he does not have any intentions of censoring Rajinikanth jokes on the Internet. "Preposterous. Next, people are going to accuse me of censoring my own armpit.", he said.

Kamal Hassan announces ‘Ek Duje Ke Liye 2’

World renowned Tamil film star Kamal Hassan (Grand to friends) has announced that he will shortly start shooting for a sequel to his eighties hit bilingual film ‘Ek Duje Ke Liye’.

Considering that ‘Ek Duje Ke Liye’ ended with both Kamal Hassan and female lead Rati Agnihotri deciding to make like the Titanic and plunge into the ocean, presumably to live out the rest of their days together (Okay, minutes. Okay, seconds. Sheesh.), it seems an odd choice for a sequel. But Kamal was quick to clear the air for his fans. “Basically, what happens at the end of the first film is this - Vasu and Sapna don’t drown. They are rescued by an underwater civilization and placed in cryostasis chambers. The sequel is about what happens when they eventually wake up.”, said the actor, managing to elicit a reaction of stunned disbelief and sporadic spluttering from reporters present.

While he refused to divulge any more information about the story (probably because it doesn’t exist yet), Kamal did say that the film would give him a great opportunity to say the words ‘Czhzhyostasis Chambezhzh’ and ‘Undezhzhwatezhzhzh Civilizaizhzhtion’, in his world famous accent which makes every word with an ‘r’ sound vaguely like ‘Vazhapazham.’

One of the underwater denizens carefully considers if it's a good idea to wake Vasu and Sapna from cryo-sleep. It probably isn't.

“While the original was a tragic love story, Ek Duje Ke Liye 2 will be a special effects Sci-Fi extravaganza”, said Kamal, inadvertently giving credence to the theory that he felt the need to go one-up on long time rival Rajnikanth’s recent blockbuster, Endhiran.

Apparently, the film will feature spectacular “Hollywood special effects from Singapore”, underwater song sequences, and a digitally recreated, CG version of the late Poornam Viswanathan. In other news sure to delight fans, the film will not be directed by K.S.Ravikumar, and Kamal Hassan will be playing only three characters, none of which resemble a zombie version of Jay Leno. The film will have elements of comedy, romance, action and even horror - the last of these chiefly due to the presence of Rati Agnihotri as the heroine.

“It’s a family entertainer with mild sex and some light violence”, said the film’s producer, a man known simply as ‘Kannan’, effectively describing most Indian films. “You can watch with family”, he added with a slightly creepy grin, without specifying whether this would be appropriate, or even enjoyable.

Kamal also announced plans for the launch of another sequel, ‘Hey Ram 3’. Explaining the reason for skipping a number and going directly to 3, Kamal’s AD said “Kamal Saar yeppavumae konjam differenta think pannuvaaru. Avar Douglas Adams maadhiri rendu film vechchae trilogy pannuvaaru. Yeppadi?”

Couple decide not to name newborn son ‘Aryan’

Mrs. and Mr.Sunil Poorvath, residents of Annanagar, Chennai, have taken the unusual, imaginative and courageous decision not to name their newborn son ‘Aryan’.

Explaining his stand, Mr.Poorvath said “I don’t know . . . . I just don’t like the name very much. I was thinking something along the lines of Sumit, or Prateek, or maybe even Sankalesh. But I never quite got this whole ‘Aryan’ thing.”

Mr.Poorvath also admitted that he was the guy who always went against trends - he continued to drink Thums Up even after Pepsi and Coke entered the market in the 90s,still insists that Ambassador is the best car for Indian roads, and displays a disturbingly lingering nostalgic affection for Meenakshi Sheshadri. He has also kept several pairs of his old ‘parallel baggies’ and ‘bellbottoms’, just in case they come back into fashion.

Some people attribute the popularity of the name Aryan to Shah Rukh Khan's son, shown here trying valiantly to look sillier than his dad.

A content Mrs.Poorvath told reporters that she was happy to leave the choice of name to her husband. “I’m really okay with anything, except those horrendous ‘one-letter-swap’ variants like Jishnu, Rijay or Prakaf.” she said, shuddering involuntarily at the last option. “Hhhrrrrr . . Prakaf! Yikes!”, she added, looking protectively at her newborn non-Aryan baby boy.

Our investigations into this matter have also revealed that at least eight of Mr.Poorvath’s close friends have secretly breathed sighs of relief, happy in the ill-informed thoughts that their to-be-born kids will now be the only ones named Aryan in their immediate circles.

According to statistics available with the HRD ministry, one in every six male children born in urban India is being named ‘Aryan’ or ‘Arya’ - virtually ensuring that in the coming years, at least some kind of Aryan supremacy will be indeed maintained. The reasons for this trend remain largely unknown, although many attribute it to various reasons such as film star Shah Rukh Khan’s choice of the name for his son, easy pronounceability, and the decreasing fashion value of traditionally popular names such as Shankar, Jayant, Sudheer and Annadhaana-p-pirabu.

“Let’s face it, old fashioned names don’t look quite as nice on a fashion label, cricket scoreboard, or film credit. Can you imagine a fashion range called ‘Casbah - by Pramod’ ? Imagine a cricket scorecard that read ‘Annadhanna-p-pirabu - c Saivignesh b Jignaprasad’ ? We need the Aryans, Rohans and Armaans to make our world fashionably correct.” opined a ridiculous looking fashion designer simply called ‘Ae’.

Meanwhile, the DMK Government in Tamil Nadu has responded by announcing tax benefits to all couples who name their sons ‘Dravid’, causing thousands of guys named David to simultaneously exclaim “Otha, just missed.”

An apology for utter lack of blogging.

Amazingly, I still get a bunch of messages from you guys asking about when the next post will be. It's incredible that you haven't run out of patience and simply given up. Many thanks.

The answer is - I don't know. I'm doing a bunch of things that are keeping me insanely busy, so I hardly get time to blog these days. Hopefully, one (or more) of my clients will eventually realize that I'm useless, and fire me, leaving me with enough time to blog every day.

However, I have been doing some pretty interesting stuff, and you guys should check some of it out if you haven't already.

• Learning to Floo :A sci-fi action graphic graphic novel for The Centre for Internet and Society, Bangalore. I'm writing and drawing this one - it has pirates, laser-blasters, evil corporations and more. Hope you enjoy it - you can read it here.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• The Heavy Ball :
  Satirical pieces on cricket for Cricinfo. You can read all the pieces here.
  
  
• Mirth Vader : 
  A fortnightly satire column for Yahoo! India Opinions. You can click here to read all my articles, - but don't forget to check out the other columnists, they're all brilliant.
  
  
• Sports columns for Sify :
  I've also written some light satirical pieces on football and cricket over at Sify.com. You can read the pieces here.
  
  

As always, thanks for reading. If things go well, Son of Bosey should resume regular service next week.